Hugging isn’t just a sweet gesture—it’s a biological necessity. Science shows that the benefits of hugging go far beyond comfort: hugs release oxytocin, lower cortisol, and help regulate the nervous system. In a world where many people experience touch starvation, reclaiming the simple act of holding one another may be one of the most powerful things we can do for our health.

This summer, the so-called “golden retriever of men,” Pedro Pascal, was hit by a wave of criticism. Clips resurfaced online showing him constantly touching colleagues. Cradling Oscar Isaac. He holds hands with a pregnant Vanessa Kirby and places his arm gently around her waist. Playfully tugs Giada Colagrande, Willem Dafoe’s wife, by the chin. Hugs his The Last of Us co-star Bella Ramsey at least a million times in public.

What initially appeared to be warm, harmless gestures quickly drew outrage. Pascal was accused of crossing boundaries and behaving in an inappropriate manner.

He explained: Touch helps him cope with anxiety. The people he hugs and touches know how hard public life is for him and don’t object. This suggests that the reaction said more about us than it did about him. About how we now perceive closeness, the importance of human touch, how much we crave it—and how afraid we are to admit it.

Touch Starvation

When discussing health, we typically mention diet, sleep, stress, or exercise. But touch is just as vital to wellbeing. In fact, it’s a basic human need. Without it, infants cannot survive.

In 1945, psychoanalyst René Spitz described “hospitalism”: infants in orphanages who received enough food and medical care but almost no physical contact. Mortality rates soared. Children stopped developing, shut down, faded away.

Today, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends at least three to four hours of physical contact daily for newborns, including skin-to-skin contact, hugging, and being held. The very first hour of a baby’s life, ideally spent on the mother’s chest (or the father’s, or another close caregiver’s), is called the “golden hour.”

And as we grow up, the need doesn’t vanish. Strong hugs and light touches remain just as essential. A 2023 study, “Longing for Touch and Quality of Life during the COVID-19 Pandemic,” found that 83% of nearly 2,000 participants reported experiencing acute touch starvation during isolation.

Another study, Touch as an Interpersonal Emotion Regulation Process in Couples’ Daily Lives, showed that couples who practice non-sexual touch report stronger marriages and better health.

What Touch Does

During pleasant physical contact, the oxytocin hormone—the so-called bonding or “cuddle” hormone—is released. Oxytocin builds trust and lowers stress.

• Cortisol production decreases
• The brain’s fear center (amygdala) quiets down.
• The parasympathetic nervous system activates, causing the body to relax and breathing to slow.
• Pain tolerance rises
• Blood pressure and heart rate drop
• Empathy and trust increase

For women, the benefits of hugging are especially important: estrogen creates more oxytocin receptors, heightening sensitivity. That means the benefits of hugging for women are powerful, whether caring for a child or under stress.

Improper Intimacy

Watch a group of primates at rest, and you’ll see them endlessly grooming each other. Grooming is not just hygiene—it’s bonding. Like humans, they build connections and reduce stress through touch.

In traditional hunter-gatherer societies—such as the Hadza in Tanzania, the Yanomami in the Amazon, or the !Kung in Southern Africa—touch is an inseparable part of daily life. People constantly hold one another, sit close around the fire, and comfort children with a hand or a hug.

Non-sexual touch benefits were also the norm among the ancient Greeks and Romans. But then everything changed. Religion demonized touch.

“Religion has kind of demonized touch—not everywhere, not in every country or culture, but especially in the U.S. and in strongly Christian contexts. Touching someone who isn’t a family member or close friend is often considered inappropriate. In the U.S., for example, men don’t really hold hands, and maybe we hug occasionally, but there’s not much real affectionate touch,” laments psychiatrist and PTSD specialist David Rabin.

Victorian culture made warmth outside marriage taboo. In today’s world, touch is not taboo but hyper-sexualized. Women’s bodies, in particular, became objects of consumption—no wonder we now guard against touch.

Learning to Touch Again

How many hugs do we need each day? Popular culture often quotes family therapist Virginia Satir:

• 4 hugs a day to survive
• 8 hugs a day to maintain
• 12 hugs a day to grow

This formula is often attributed to family therapist Virginia Satir, but there’s no scientific evidence to support either the exact number of hugs or that she actually said it.

The well-known family therapists Julie and John Gottman, however, recommend that happy couples share a six-second kiss when they meet and when they part.

The numbers are approximate and depend on the type of touch and the circumstances. During orgasm, oxytocin is released instantly. While breastfeeding, it takes just a few seconds. A kiss or hug with a loved one triggers a reaction within 20–30 seconds, but the duration of contact is still unknown.

The main rule: touch must always be voluntary. From the age of 2 or 3, it’s a good idea to ask a child if they want a hug. It’s also crucial to protect them from relatives who demand physical interaction despite clear resistance, with questions like, “Why don’t you want to give Grandma a kiss?”

By the age of 5 or 6, a child is usually able to express their consent or refusal clearly. It’s vital to respect their choice.

For adults, psychologists offer three guidelines:

• Respect for Consent. Even if we feel a touch is “warm” or “caring,” it doesn’t mean the other person feels the same way. Ask for permission: “Can I give you a hug?” and allow the person to answer honestly.
• Sensitivity to Context. Not all situations are appropriate for physical contact. In a difficult emotional moment, it’s better to ask than to act impulsively. In a new or professional setting, it’s best to hold back until you see signs of openness.
• Awareness of Your Own Motives. Why do I want to touch this person? What am I conveying with this? Is the touch a way of connecting and supporting, or is it a substitute for words that should be said instead? This kind of reflection makes touch more honest and appropriate.

Mindful Hugging Practice

You can turn self-education about touch into a fun and engaging experience. For example, with a deck of Touchcards where the cards suggest things like, “Touch me as if you are checking if a mango is ripe.” By removing a few cards, the game can be played not only with a partner but also with close friends, legitimizing strokes, taps, and hugs, and providing stress relief.

Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh says that when we hug, our hearts connect, and we know we are not separate beings. He invented a hugging meditation when his friend asked, “Can I hug a Buddhist monk?”

The process is straightforward. Take a few deep breaths and feel your body in the present moment. Bow slightly and smile at the other person; a return smile and bow mean your partner has also made space for you. Stand facing each other, join your palms, and inhale and exhale three times. You can silently say to yourself: On the inhale: “I know that life in this moment is precious.” On the exhale: “I cherish this moment of life.” Then, hug each other and silently say on the inhale: “My beloved is in my arms.” On the exhale: “I am so happy.”

It’s so simple. And so beautiful.

Touch and Pain

“When touch reminds us of trauma, it brings pain. But the need for it doesn’t disappear. When a child is in the womb, they are surrounded by ‘touch.’ And when they are born and cry, the mother holds and rocks them, giving a non-verbal signal of safety,” says Dr. David Rabin.

Because Rabin works with American veterans and survivors of domestic violence, he created a bracelet that reproduces the vibration of a pleasant, calming touch.

When hugs and touch bring not relief, but pain; when we are separated from loved ones; when we feel the effects of touch starvation or a lack of physical interaction, there are different ways to at least partially satisfy this need.

• Massage activates the same neurophysiological systems, and by influencing the parasympathetic system, it helps to relieve tension, reduce stress, and improve overall physical and psychological state.
• Water, especially warm water, triggers the release of the oxytocin hormone and promotes feelings of affection, such as hugs. Taking a shower, a bath, or swimming in a pool or open water are all comfortable options that provide “touch” to the skin.
• A weighted blanket or “swaddling” oneself in a blanket, and wearing tight clothing that applies pressure to the body (like compression garments) are also proven ways to reduce the burden on the nervous system and give the body a “hug.”
• Stuffed animals and specially weighted toys can also serve as stress management tools.
• Contact improvisation can also help activate deep pressure receptors and stimulate the sense of touch. These are sensory receptors located in the skin, muscles, tendons, and joints that respond to pressure and stretching. There is even a therapy called Deep Pressure Therapy (DPT), a method that applies gentle but noticeable pressure to the body to stimulate these receptors.
• You can hug yourself—rubbing your hands or gently pressing on your chest or shoulders activates the same brain areas as touch from others.
• When it comes to hugs, pets are at least as good as, if not better than, people. In a study on Neurophysiological correlates of affiliative behaviour between humans and dogs, people’s oxytocin and touch levels increased by 300–400% after just five minutes of interacting with a dog. Animals can give us a greater sense of security. But they do not replace human interaction.
• Devices like Dr. David Rabin’s Apollo Neuro, Sensate, and Truvaga don’t provide the literal feeling of touch but reproduce its effect on a neurological level.
• A recent discovery in science reveals that sound can be described as quanta of vibrations, known as phonons. They have no real rest mass, but they carry energy and momentum, so sound can indeed have a mechanical effect, even a tangible “touch.”

The Hugging Contract

The rule “don’t forget to touch your loved ones” should become as standard for our health as “walk more” and “drink clean water.” If we all make an effort to hold the hand of a loved one, perhaps there would be fewer comments online about Pedro Pascal’s touchiness. I have no complaints about it. In fact, on this note:

I hereby voluntarily, knowingly, and freely consent to physical contact from citizen Pedro Pascal, excluding intimate body parts, solely for the purpose of emotional support and/or reducing anxiety levels in one of the parties.

This consent shall become effective upon its publication, be valid indefinitely, and may be revoked by me unilaterally at any time without explanation.

You can add your own signature in the comments.

References

1. Spitz, R.A. Hospitalism: An Inquiry into the Genesis of Psychiatric Conditions in Early Childhood. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 1945.
2. American Academy of Pediatrics. Policy Statement: Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk. Pediatrics, 2012 (reaffirmed 2022).
3. von Mohr, M., et al. Longing for Touch and Quality of Life during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Frontiers in Psychology, 2023.
4. Debrot, A., et al. Touch as an Interpersonal Emotion Regulation Process in Couples’ Daily Lives: The Mediating Role of Psychological Intimacy. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2013.
5. Carter, C.S. Neuroendocrine Perspectives on Social Attachment and Love. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 1998.
6. Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Workman Publishing, 2015.
7. McGinnis, E., et al. The Immediate Effects of Deep Pressure on Young People with Autism and Severe Intellectual Difficulties: Demonstrating Individual Differences. Occupational Therapy International, 2013.
8. Nagasawa, M., et al. Oxytocin-Gaze Positive Loop and the Coevolution of Human-Dog Bonds. Science, 2015.
9. Thich Nhat Hanh. Touching Peace: Practicing the Art of Mindful Living. Parallax Press, 1998.